I think I'm going crazy. I did an unexpected thing today. When I woke up at 12, I took a bath staightaway, which rarely happens, because I'd be on the internet first. It also only happens if I were to go out, which I did. Totally out of the blue, I decided to go to Plaza Singapura, alone. It's totally kind of loser-ish but anyways, it's only a few MRT stops from my house.

I wanted to get Auntie Anne's pretzels, but thinking of the sugar content, decided to make do without it. Anyways, there was no agenda, nothing, and I was just strolling around. I had an impulse buy of 2 magazines, Australian Vogue and Harpers Bazaar, costing $20 altogether. Had initially wanted to get British Vogue, but it was like $17 a piece. Then, I wanted to get Dazed & Confused, which had an extra booklet showcasing new British designers, but it cost like $15 a piece. So I'd rather buy 2 magazines than just one, so I had to make do with Aussie Vogue and Harpers Bazaar.

I think I'm going to start making a scrapbook. I saw the episode on "Martha Stewart" and was totally in awe. However, it's quite an expensive hobby though. I saw this shop at Plaza Singapura that caters to scrapbooking fanatics. It's a nice little shop and I may be getting a few supplies from there should I ever want to start scrapbooking.

Anyways, saw a primary schoolmate of mine who was working as a donation collector for yellow ribbon project. I never knew people who actually collect donations actually gets paid. In my opinion, it's kind of ironic and defeats the whole purpose, right? Anyways, we had a quick chat, more like a 2 minutes chat, after which I declined to donate. I think $10 is a bit too steep. I would have donated, had I not bought the magazines, and I was down to my last 10 bucks for the day, so I'd rather buy food home for dinner since nobody's home, than donate to a prisoner, who may or may not turn over a new leaf. I'm so sorry for being judgemental, but the actions you do reflects your name.(quote on quote from Sugababes)

Anyways, Nabilah's boy crush, a.k.a Peter Pan is on television now. I'm off to go watch it, even though Robin William's version of Peter Pan scared the shit out of me. Peter Pan is supposed to be a young boy, not an old man. Anyways, I'm hoping to catch "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", because Brad Pitt is in it, and my new woman crush, Cate Blanchett, is also in it.

I am freaking confused over what I'm going to strive for next year. I know that there have been multiple occassions where I've stressed that my number 1 priority is to get into a junior college, but now I'm just wondering whether it'll be the best choice. I'm not having second thoughts - I just want to weigh my options properly. God damnit, how can people - society, parents, siblings, family, teachers- expect us to make this crucial decision at the age of 16. A decision that can and will have a significant impact on the rest of our lives.

Anyways, like everyone else, I've gotten many, and I say by the dozens, of newsletters and brochures and booklets and magazines and leaflets from the polytechnics, and none, zilch from the junior colleges. I'm not complaining but would it hurt for them to send out brochures to interested students on their curriculum for next year and their activities and all of that? From the look of things, it really does seem to me that the polytechnics are more interested in luring students to their domains, as compared to the junior colleges. Maybe, in the colleges' point of view, they don't really need to lure students, since they will always have that constant supply of students coming through their gates, some even begging to be let in.

I've gotten around to reading the magazines sans information booklets that the polytechnics have been distributing, and I must say, more than 1 of the courses offered appeal to me. Should the magazines have been given, say at the beginning of the year, I might have only been interested in 1 of them. But at this point, I'm keeping my options very much open. I have to admit that I'm so very tempted to join a polytechnic because as people have said, they have this vibrancy about them.

However, I must also think about where I'm going to be heading towards after junior college/polytechnic and the National Service. A spot in a university is a guaranteed must or I'll just die. But what am I going to be taking there? Is it the course that I've been wanting to get ever since I was 11? Or will I surprise myself and take a completely different course?

I'm getting a little too far ahead of myself, but that's me, I'm not a spontaneous person, and I need to have a plan. Back to my current dilemma. I really want to experience the courses at the polytechnics, having hands on practical on a current niche. At the same time, 3 years is a pretty long period of time, factoring in National Service after that, and also university life. Not only that, would being in a polytechnic really give me that much of an advantage? That's a given should I want to start working by the age of 20, but at a university, everyone is pretty much a blank slate, right?

The idea of just studying a single niche subject scares the shit out of me. What if I'm crap at it? The consolation about being in a junior college is that the subjects are similar to those in secondary school, albeit 200% more difficult with thrice as much thinking. But at least it's not a complete overhaul of the current life. I just can't imagine starting school at 3 pm. It may sound like a lot of fun, but maybe, it's not for me. I need a structure in life I stick to it. Personally for me, I'd rather have a 7am-3pm schedule than have none at all.

At the same time, my fear or my unsure-ness of getting into a polytechnic is because I'm fearful of choosing the wrong niche course for me. I don't think I'll ever have the courage to switch courses just because I'm afraid of the consequences and the outcome of my decision. I won't necessarily get into the desired course that I want and may end up somewhere where I have less or no interest at all. That's a scary thought to think about.

The thing about a junior college is that it's similar, yet so different from secondary school life. I may be able to adapt better there, but there's no guarantee that I'll perform. Hopefully, at university, I hope everyone gets an equal footing. At least I'm hoping that anything that would benefit me would be best.

Writing this blog entry has been therapeutic for me in a sense that i really got deep into my thoughts and sorted out all the puzzle in my head. There will be more reasonings as I keep thinking about the very decision that I'm going to have to make on my own to determine my next step in life. My mind is telling me 100% to strive for a place in junior college, but my heart is telling me that it's only about 75%. As cliche and corny as it sounds, it's true. It's up to me now to make them both 100%. If only the polytechnics would stop mailing in those booklets, then maybe I would have a peace of mind;)

Today's plan to go out was scrapped at the very last minute. Certain things that could have been avoided happened so unfortunately, no Twilight for me today, unless I decide to be that total loner who goes to the cinema alone and watches the movie at the back of the cinema munching my popcorn away. I am a tad dissapointed but yeah, what can I do? Things happened.

On another hand, I could use the money to buy magazines. I know I've made a promise to myself to cut down on the magazines that I buy, but I can't help it. The January magazine covers are all so good, I have to/want to bend the rules and get at least one. I'd have to go check it out later at the bookshop. But, I'd seriously be regretting it if I were to buy the foreign magazine that costs like $20-$30.

Anyways, here's the article that I read yesterday. There's two versions, the one that ends with the atheist professor winning his argument, while the other version ended with the Christian student defending his argument. There's also a muslim version.

Atheist Professor: http://www.bowness.demon.co.uk/brain.htm

Christian Student: http://t4jotr.blogspot.com/ (the post is on sunday, 21/9/2008)

Muslim version:http://www.myiwc.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-3067.html

After reading the article, I truly find that philosophy is an interesting subject. Heck, it shouldn't even be classified as a subject, since it encompasses everything and goes beyond the four walls of the classroom. How I wished that classroom discussions in school could have been like this. But who am I kidding? Singapore's society is too shallow minded, that a conversation like this would make them feel uncomfortable. All those talk that Singapore is a cosmpolitan, globalised city does not make up for the fact that Singaporeans are too sensitive to talk about sensational issues. 1 different opinion said and you'll be labelled as a defiant person, who doesn't follow the norms of the religion or the society.

Ah, the perks of living in Singapore!

There's an undertone of sarcasm in that last sentence if you could catch my drift. Till the next post.

I seldom go out, since going out for me usually means spending money. But I had to go out today, since I wanted to cancel certain subscriptions fom my phone, especially stuff I don't normally use but have to pay for, i.e the 3G services. Anyhows, met my cousin and we went to the singtel at tampines mall to get it done. And then, we went home. I reckon that it's pathetic but I seriously do not want to spend money since I'm really going out tomorrow, watching Twilight(like finally!?!) with Farhan.

On another note,I have a lot of things to talk about.

Firstly, I'm thinking of not getting the Converse shoes, but instead of getting myself a pair of Doc Martens. I've seen them around, i.e, on fashion blogs and not on the mats, and they really appeal to me. What's more with the rainy season here in Singapore. Anyhows, I hate how the mats steoreotype the the clothing that people wear. Can't they just stick to wearing sarongs? I'm being a bit racist here though. And also the topman stuff, I'm definitely not gonna wear some of their designs since they look so stereotypically mat-ish.

Secondly, I overheard a conversation that my sister had with my father, i.e through the use of another phone in the house and also because of the fact that my father talks loudly, which was what drew me to their conversation in the first place. Anyways, instead of just taking up permanent residency, my sister was asking my father's opinion on whether she should give up her singapore citizenship and go on and get an australian citizenship! OMG, how cool is that?!?!

Unfortunately, my dad objected to it. Seriously, I could just strangle him because if my sister were to be an australian citizen, there is an 100% chance that she may want the whole family to move there since she talked with me about it before. Thinking about my future, I thought that it would be a good idea. However, the reason my father rejected to the idea was because of the fact the we have relatives here and that it would be difficult for me to adapt should we move. FUCK THE RELATIVES!I mean there is always the plane to fly back here right?

I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I CAN/WILL ADAPT, GIVEN THE CHANCE!

And I can definitely make new friends there should WE move. Like come on, Singapore is not the place if you wanna make contacts should you ever want to be a journalist, which by chance, happen to be my dream career option. You know, friends are important, but not all the time. Family: I can make do without. But the most important people in your life: business contacts. They, directly or indirectly, contribute to the amount of money that i can make. I happen to want to lead a comfortable life = money. Poor people who claim that they're happy are only kidding themselves.

Anyways, I have a plan. After jc/poly, and the god-freakin' National Service, I want to be accepted into an Australian University, albeit a different one from my sister. Hopefully, it'll be somewhere in Melbourne. Definitely not Perth, since my sister says there a lot of Malay people. Come on, the only reason I am adamant of hopefully leaving singapore is to get out of this freaking hypocritical society. Why move to another city that have the same dynamics of the same city that you have just left? So, my short term goal is to end up in Australia in 5 years, and then NY in 10 years. Those are some big dreams, but big dreams are what I need to spur me on:)

WOW, this is one long post! Anyways, I came across an article that I may be commenting tomorrow. It's really interesting. So until tomorrow.

The lack of apparent updates on this blog could only mean 1 thing, it's either that I'm busy, or just that I'm plain lazy. So in this week of absence, I've been kind of busy actually. Not necessarily rotting at home, because I've been out and about. Also, I owe people a lot of photos, so when I have the time, or when I want to, I'll post up some photographs taken this past week.

So, let's start with exactly a week ago, on a Saturday, which was my cousin's wedding day, or the day that he got legally married to his then-girlfriend-now-wife. So, I should wish him a happy 1 week anniversary. The real event took place on sunday, which was the day of the reception, which was held all the way at HORT PARK, near Alexandra Road. Well, I wasn't too thrilled about the location since it's so far away, and the fact that I got lost on the way, but upon reaching, I found the place to be exquisite. The decoration was nice and the food were great. Plus, there were lots to explore.

Ok, let's just say that I'm not a fan of family gatherings. I'm not against it but I just don't see myself looking forward to it sometimes. It's a chance for people, who doesn't really get a chance to meet up in real life to come together and do what? TALK? Anyways, I got a little bit closer to my maternal side of relatives, since I don't really mix with them. Surprisingly, this was 1 family gathering that I did talk a lot, albeit to the ones closer to my age whom I don't really talk to at all.

So, upon reaching home from the wedding reception, I got an sms from a primary school friend of mine, asking whether I would want to go shopping at this new mall in Johor. I agreed and so we headed down there taking a bus on Tuesday. Unfortunately, it was the "grand" opening of the new immigration checkpoint in Johor. There were all these reporters and such, so it was chaotic. We practically had to wait in the bus for a freaking 1 hour, and then had to wait in line to get our passports checked. Thereafter, we headed to city square, ate at Marrybrown, and proceeded to Jusco, ate, shop, ate, shop and went home. BTW, I <3 dunkin donuts.

And yesterday, I headed to this converse warehouse sale somewhere that had 40% discount on footwear. Of course, I was super excited to go since it's like a christmas sale. However, I didn't find anyhting that interests me, so I went home empty handed, much to the surprise of my mom, whom I think had expected me to splurge. But rest assured, I'm going there again, to scour for at least something that I want, so I'd be satisfied that I bought something from the sale.

Today was the day I spent the entire morning sorting through my wardrobe. I want to give some things away, but ended up taking them back and putting them into the rear end of the wardrobe. So, the only thing I managed to really clear out and be satisfied with is the school uniforms' compartment of my wardrobe. And, I seriously need to start wearing the new clothes that I bought, since I'm always wearing the same clothes at home. I have this syndrome, where I buy a lot of things and one go, hoping that I'll wear them some time, but when the time comes, I won't be wearing them. URRGGH.

Anyways, chalet planning has not been smooth sailing. There has been a lot of hiccups and misunderstadings that I really have to salute people that have planned chalets before. It's not easy getting confirmations from everybody.

+ some people are just a punch of f***** up asses!

Life is super mundane. I've not done anything productive, lest of all finding a job. I kind of feel like I do need a job right now. I don't mind working for like at the Expo for some conventions or whatnots. Well, at least it pays, rather than going through youtube and myspace and all those sites to keep me entertained. That's how pathetic my life is right now.

At least when I was still in school, during the holidays, I was occupied. Homeworks, although a nuisance, keeps me alive in a way. The brain is functioning. Not only that, when you're online, you have an aim, say to research on that project. Now, I feel like a cyber nomad, going through evrey sites there are.

The sister is finally going to permanently stay in Australia. YEAH! And thats not in a demeaning evil kind of way but a happy one. Because I can visit her there like whenever I want to. Ok, so not whenever but at least some times. No one to bother me anymore!!!

Random stuff here but Mcdonalds' getting more expensive than ever. I remembered in primary school the set meals cost no more than 6 bucks and now, they're nearing 7 bucks. It's so damn annoying. By the way, mega mcspicy sucked like hell. I think it's bland - don't know why people are calling it spicy - and the patties are like smaller than the regular ones. Ok, now I get it. 2 smaller patties = 1 mega mcspicy = 1 thick normal patty = 1 mcspicy.

Anyhows, the cousin's wedding is this weekend and I'm helping out at the reception. At least I don't have to wear a baju kurung. Most probably wearing a similar ensemble to the one that I wore to prom. Well, better make use of the clothes anyhows

Shazlyn wants to meet up on friday to discuss about the chalet stuffs. Mostly, everything or mostly everything has been settled. Maybe I can learn how to rollerblade at the park later on. So, I guess that's my new year's resolution: to learn how to rollerblade.

I want to live in one of these apartments that have fire escapes.