Never in a millon years would I ever thought that I would be watching a soccer match and actually be excited about it. So, let's just say that I was dragged by Erfi to watch the match even though the initial plan was to study. Anyways, it helped that MJ has the best college soccer team in Singapore, because otherwise, it would just be plain sucky to see your college lose on home ground. MJ of course won the match, but we(Danial, Erfi, Namira and myself) didn't really pay attention, since we only cheered when people cheered, and we were actually talking about flower beds(random!) when one of the goals was conceived.

So, instead of going home after the match, we+Syafiqah stayed in school, initally to do homework, but then it turned into a group talk, which then turned into a youtube watching session. That's how random conversations go along in MJ.

So, on another note, I've decided to do on Emergency for PW. Hopefully, it would turn out great, and help me score an A for PW, meaning I have a better chance of qualifying into NTU/NUS. On another note, here's a shout out for Suhaidah, who's been punished chosen as the group leader for MJC Pre-U Seminar 2009. I really wish you all the luck in the world, because you'll be in contact with Swee-chu-ation almost all the time. Also, all the best to Connie, Syafiqah and Suhaidah(again!) for the Atlas House Council Nominations tomorrow. Must make sure that at least one of you is in the committee, so can at least have some connection within the house. Also, good luck to Danial and May Xuen, who's running for Callisto House Nominations too.

I admit that I'm a freak for stalking Nicole yesterday, but hey, it's not everyday that you get to meet one of your favourite models you know, especially when you're in a tiny country like Singapore, where the idea of a fashion industry is that it is like a "wasteland" by at least 95% of the population. Anywyas, I did not manage to talk to her, but I did brush past her (OMG!), as she was exitting the tentage area. Can you believe it? I could have just pulled her in for a hug and slobber her with kisses right there and then, but I guess I practised a little bit of self-restraint last night.

Anyways, I just found out that even though there's not gonna be a Singapore Fashion Festival this year, there's gonna be Audi Fashion Festival featuring Christian Lacroix, Vivienne Westwood, GARETH PUGH, Ashley Isham and many more! I am so going to save up to go to Gareth Pugh's runway show. The collection that he is showing (his S/S 09 collection) is beyond amazing. Too bad Beyonce has to butcher them in her music videos.

As for now, I have to sift through the pile of work on my desk now. Economics essay, Literature reading, Project Work research, and the script for Pre-U Seminar. But on a happier note, I bought new shoes which I'm so totally in love with.

I'll try to not sound like a bitch when I say this. Oh well, it's gonna sound bitchy no matter how I twist it around. So, here goes. How far does the malay language help you in life? I gotta say, after looking back and pondering, I suddenly realised that studying the malay language is as redundant as, say, counting sheeps when you really want to go to sleep. I know that malay was one of my better subjects back in the heydays, but recent changes in life has made me think that this language definitely does not help you anywhere in life. I mean, what are the career oppurtunities that are available with a degree in malay? Becoming a teacher? Or just someone who migrates to Malaysia? Um, sorry to say this, but speaking in malay 24/7 is like slitting the wrist of a newborn child really very slowly. Heck, I don't even converse that much in Malay anymore since everyone in college is like talking in english 24/7. I may sound like a douchebag for saying this, but somehow, there's nothing to be proud about only if you have a degree in the malay language.

It doesn't feel good to fail classes. Even those classes that you know you're gonna flunk. It's not a good feeling to know that you're not the best at what you do. That's why life sucks. Perfection doesn't exist, but we all strive for it. But at the end of the day, we get all disappointed because the perfection we strive for is what makes us all miserable.

I hate it when people say that "imperfections are what makes life perfect." Truth be told, imperfections are like that stain on your white shirt, or that smudge on your cheeks after eating a slice of chocolate cake. You never want them to be there, but they're there, and you don't feel good about them. They make you question yourself. They make you feel self-conscious. They make other people judge you. Most of all, they make you insecure.

My confidence level has taken a beating since being in jc. And no, it's not about my body thank you very much, it's about something else, something that I know I've always been good at. My writing.

As some of you may have already known, I've always wanted to be a journalist, working for CNN or BBC, so naturally, I've always been proud with all the writings that I've done. Unfortunately, my writings have not been up to standard with what the teachers have expected of me. Bates gave me a bloody pass for my GP essay, and Dr S has commented that my analytical skills for novels has not yet matured. Well, of course it hasn't! It's only the first written assignment that I've done for English Literature in 3 years. Maybe I need more time for me to conform to the standards of writing. I hope I do, because I've always loved Literature and it would kill me to know that I suck at it.

Well, my supressed feelings of insecurity is being let out, little by little. It makes me wonder sometimes why I had chosen to go to a jc instead of a poly. I've wanted journalism, so why not do mass communications? Well, part of my reason for wanting to go to a jc is to upstage my sister. I'm competitive by nature, so that means I have to outshine my sister. There's always been sibling rivalry between us, which I believe was stemmed when my parents have always complemeted that I'm better than my sister, even though there's an eleven years age difference between us. I always glee when I know I've done better than my sister. Maybe what drives me into choosing a jc are all the wrong reasons.

And oh, it doesn't help that I'm reading the archives of peoples' blog and reading what they've been through in the past year. Case in point, I was reading N's archives and it makes me wonder if the same would happen to me. I mean no offence to NASS, although it was a good school, and competition was always there, I had always managed to pull through. And it feels good to know that you're better than other people, because you got in through merit and not affiliation. I can't say the same for MJC. Here you've got people from VS, RGS and CEDAR and you question whether you're good enough for this college. When you've got ex-students from VS being retained, you start to wonder whether the same would happen to you.

I would never in a million years thought that jc life could be so stressful. On top of studies, you've got to be in your A game for cca, because the teachers are going to write recomendations for you. Then to add to that list, there's REACH, which could potentially help you get into university because of your CIP hours. But apparently, that's not enough, you've got to be involved in other activities to add to your resume so that at least, the unversity would feel that you are worthy of a spot in their faculty. And wait, if that's not stressful enough, some people pay their way to get into certain faculties(ahem, ahem to a certain jc), so what are the chances of a normal teenager getting a spot in university in singapore?

Thinking about all this just makes me so darn nervous that life won't go ahead as I had planned it to be. I want my life to be perfect, because I am the kind of person that cannot tolerate imperfections. Blame it on my Type A personality, which is the same as Resse Witherspoon, for making me feel this way. But I guess even the most perfect of human beings have to go through a rough patch. Just look at Reese, she went through a divorce, even though she's like one of the most perfect human being in the world in my opinion. Life is just so unfair.